Thy Will

I think all growing up i wanted to always do what was right, for the most part. (We may have to skip my sassy moments here and there). But when it came down to it I always wanted to get good grades, complete my goals, stay out of trouble...

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I think i was pretty self-motivated whether it came to practicing the piano, studying for tests, going to seminary, and basically just living the gospel. Of course I wanted to be obedient for the sake of being obedient but i also just knew that it was right and that was what i wanted to do.

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Then i got married and the whole idea of starting a family came in to play.

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I must insert here for when my children read this... that i have never regretted any decision what so ever. I love my babies and am so grateful for them. The Lord just has always put more trust in me than i ever put in Him.

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That being said, when it was time to make the decision to have Kolby i was honestly scared to death. I secretly hoped that it would take me a while to get pregnant so that i could better prepare myself. I got pregnant in 2 months. My world was completely rocked when i became a mother. I had no idea what i was doing and i lacked those "i just love babies" feelings. I felt that i was making a huge sacrafice but that i was willing because it was the Lord's Will.

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Then i was suprised to find out i was pregnant with Olivia only 12 months later. I had felt even more unprepared and that perhaps I was too stubborn to follow the Lord's Will so it was forced upon me.

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Every time i listened to General Conference i would get the feeling that my family was still incomplete. I shoved these feelings aside. I prayed to my Heavenly Father, "I feel so comfortable, so content, I finally love being a stay at home mom, i finally think I am doing a good job...why do i always have to be pushed to the breaking point?".

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Then it dawned on me. If I would just make His Will My Will, everything would be so much easier. If I just did things because i wanted to do what was right, not because i felt forced to, everything would be easier. What if instead of always saying, "Fine, Thy Will be done" I could say "Yes, that is exactly what i was hoping for or yes that is just what i was thinking too". Wouldn't it be grand to be on the same page!

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I don't know why this realization took me so long to figure out. I think i have trust issues.

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All of a sudden I really wanted a baby. I experienced what i suppose most women are just born with. I saw little ones and just knew that that was what i wanted.

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For the first time i totally planned a pregnancy. For the first time, reading that little blue plus sign filled me with complete untainted excitement.

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For the first time i experienced some problems. One day the doctor told me I wasn't pregnant. The next day they called and said I was. I was an emotional basket case to say the least.

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I am finally out of the high risk and since i have told some of you, or will see some of you shortly at the big wedding, or since my mother is dying to tell all her friends...

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I have decided to announce that i am expecting baby #3. Due on May 10.

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If you actually read all the above congrats you made it to the only interesting part:)

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I just wanted to document this. Thanks for letting me bore you.

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Motherhood continues to teach me and forces me to strengthen my faith on a daily basis. I am grateful that the Lord's Will always truly was my Will, even if it took me awhile to figure that out.