Wednesday, February 6, 2008
A Complex Question or an Over Analyzed Answer?
Recently I've been approached several times at functions with people asking me, "what do you do?" I don't know why but I hate this question. Do I say, "I'm just a stay at home mom" as if I'm apologizing for not doing anything else? Or do I say, "I'm a stay at home mom!!!!" and smile proudly like I'm a brainwashed mother of the 50s? Or do I quickly add in that I actually do have a B.S. and a teaching degree but am choosing not to use them at the moment...? Why do I feel like excuses are necessary? I certainly don't want to offend those who work outside the home, afterall, the only reason we can afford for me to stay at home is because of my generous in-laws, but how can I reply proudly without sounding as if I have no other ambitions in life? Quite a few women have been surprised that I stay home and say, "don't you get bored?" "do you actually like it?"
I have to admit I'm not so sure I would have chosen to be a stay at home mom if it were'nt for the gospel. I kicked and screamed the whole first year staying home with kolby. I absolutely loved school. I loved teaching. I loved seeing a difference I was making on other's lives. I loved being successful and getting feedback and praise. Suddenly I became a mother, had no clue what I was doing, and received no feedback or praise. It took a whole lot of prayers and a whole lot of faith.
Now with 2.5 years under my belt I really do love it! Gulp...never thought I'd say that. Does it have its downsides? Or course. Do I get the occasional jealousy of my husband you gets to teach? yes. But there's nothing like seeing all your babies' firsts. Plus my life is fairly stress free. We have a great schedule. I'm still involved in play group, 2 book clubs, a stamping club,aerobics class, and a spanish course.
But back to my dilema....how to answer the question....without a ten page explanation. What if these people were just trying to be friendly and make small talk and I frighten them with my ramblings? Any suggestions? Or have I already offended all working and stay at home moms?
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13 comments:
With all the things that you do do, book club, play group etc, I would just tell them, "I do whatever I want!" :)
First of all, you aren't the only one stummped by that reoccuring question. I've finally settled on , "I get to stay home and raise my kids". And by the way, you should write a column in the newspaper because you seriously have a knack for it.
I also, like Jessica, use the term "get to" when the question arises! But of course, staying home was it's unmagical moments, but I figure its part of life. Luckily, a lot of women would say- "That's so great" mostly the older generations and then "you are so lucky, I hope to or wish I could..." the younger generation. The later statement puzzles me, because you truly just have to live within your means or plan ahead to stay at home! Like most of us mothers- we know it's just simply where we need to be!! And hopefully we won't loose ourselves as women and wives, but become more well rounded and ready for anything that comes our way!!
Just remember you are an amazing woman and a great mom!
i agree, it's one of thoes questionss that i think depends on the person, i have a friend that hated being stay at home mom. i love it, i am like you i love seeing all his first and enjoy knowing that he's being raised by me and not some stranger who may have a different view on how he should be raised. i love it and when people ask do I work i still say yes, i'm a full time mom. People forget that means more than an 8 hours and go home and forget about it till tomorrow, it's a FULL time 24/hr job, no sick days and no vacation time (unless you have family members who are willing and want to watch them to give you an afternoon off or maybe a weekend at somepoint but even then your left worrying if they're doing ok or if they brushed their teeth etc..) don't be ashamed, being a mom is a wonderful job. the best job in my eyes. i see other jobs and sure when my kids are in school and I have free time i'll do other things. but for now i'm focusing on my #1 priority and that's my family.
My cousins uses SAHM because she thinks it sounds more official. You are the CEO of your home. It could not funtion without you. And I do believe you could not funtion as well without it and them. I have felt like running away this week and not comming back. It is a saccrifice in many ways to commit to be a mother- but like you said; somehow I love it. You do so many things everyday- it is hard to define. But don't ever feel intimidated or embarrased, you are a talented, educated woman who is adored by the only 3 people who get an opinion-- you family.
I guess I have it easy b/c I just respond that I am a Hygienist once a week and a stay at home Mom the rest. However, I find myself bragging a lot to my patients that I only work that one day and get to spend the rest of the time at home with my daughter. I like the "I get to stay at home and raise my kids" response.
I'm offended:)
I will be about 4 1/2 hours from there - I'm down by the Czech border in Bavaria. So... maybe you should plan a trip to visit family; and ME!
heres what I would say "i have a degree in education but decided to quit teaching so I could stay at home with my kids" cuz they you're like, BAM Im smart AND BAM I am selflessly CHOOSING to stay home. =) I hate the whole, "oh do you just stay home" please. JUST??!! YOu deal with my baby for 24 hours by yourself and then hit me with "just." i don't think so. People say the dumbest things.
oh, I know Melissa, the others I don't know, which is why no other names are posted. I just broswed through getting some cute ideas...which are still in the works =)
Sabrina,
this question perplexes me every time someone asks me. i always feel like i need to hand out a resume when i tell people that "i'm a mom" so they know i got a degree, have been all over the world, and am literate, and have abilities and talents aside from cleaning and changing diapers! like i'm making excuses or trying to be as "cool/important/contributing to the gross national product" as other people. Even though it doesn't feel like this; in reality, we should say "I'M A MOM! What do YOU do?" because lets face it; being a full time student or working full time is CAKE compared to being a mom! We just get less affirmation that what we do is incredible!
(okay, i'm done. whew!)
Hi Sabrina,
I'm so glad I found your blog! I have to agree, it's been hard for me to adjust to the whole stay at home mom thing, but I do love it. I hope you're doing well. Cute kids!
Natalie
How about "I am BLESSED to be able to stay at home and raise my children." Or you could say you are a teacher...after all you do have the credentials and you are teaching your children!
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